The root of all future problems of a man and his pampered upbringing in childhood lies in the excessive attachment of the mother.
Not everyone can boast that they have good children. Loving children who do not forget about their parents and continue to take care of them at an advanced age are more of an exception than a rule. It also happens that children are good, but for some reason they cannot make their own decisions, build their own future, but on the contrary, they are increasingly turning to you for help? And if in the case of girls, this does not cause serious concern, then in the case of boys, the situation is different.
What to do if your son is no longer 18, but he continues to ask you for pocket money? What if he is already married and he himself has children, but you have to help every time, or even close his loans? So, our new article is devoted to the relationship between parents and adult sons.
About raising a boy
Let's talk about the reasons for relaxed behavior and unwillingness to take responsibility from adult guys. Everything, oddly enough, is taken from childhood.
The Vedas say that a woman should not raise a boy herself. She must give this prerogative to her father because he has an innate understanding that the boy needs difficulties. Therefore, the father always puts the boy in a situation where it is difficult for him. If a woman does not understand that she was born a boy, this means that she does not understand that she will need to turn a blind eye to the fact that her son will have a hard time in development and he will somehow endure some hardships and suffering.
So, if the mother does not want to admit this, then she pampers her son by facilitating the tests that the father creates for him first, and then fate. As a result, she destroys the fate of her son in this way. She takes away the opportunity to overcome difficulties, temper character, learn to look for a way out of the situation, make decisions. But these are masculine qualities that he will really need in the future! Without them, it will be impossible to find a good job and start a family.
Very often, mothers destroy the fate of their sons, not wanting it and not suspecting what sissy, weak-willed and unfortunate people are made of them. But the mother cannot make her son suffer, unlike the father. It can only ease suffering. This is how her psyche works. A mother cannot bear how her son suffers, so the Veda say that a woman should stay away from raising her sons. She can encourage, love, take care of them, but their father must educate them, as is often the case in Eastern families.
Oleg Gennadievich claims that the father's duty is to create difficulties for his son, to keep him in strictness, to punish him, if necessary, but to do all this with love. Because only in these actions does the mind of the future man mature, he becomes strong and strong. If, however, to apply strictness without love, with malice in the heart, then this will only lead to the fact that the boy will become very hard against the father, and between them there will be an irreconcilable wall. If the father, on the contrary, spoils his son, this means most often that he himself is spoiled. This means that a woman lacks strictness in her relationship with her husband.
Everything gets worse if the boy is brought up without a dad. It’s good if the mother was able to build such relationships with him in which the son tried to take responsibility for his mother from childhood and protect her from exhausting work. What if not? If, on the contrary, he is used to the fact that she provides everything? After all, you can often meet families in which adult guys are already studying and working, but only playing computer games, walking at night with friends and withdrawing money from the parent card.
About maternal attachment
A relaxed spoiled life is very corrupting children, especially boys, because it is they who have to pave the way to life and in the future to provide for both their family and parents. Such an environment does not contribute to the development of their minds. After all, as Oleg Gennadievich says, a man has a military psyche, and it turns on only when it is urgent to look for a way out of this situation. So, the root of all future problems in a man and his pampered upbringing in childhood lies in the shameful excessive attachment of the mother.
- A trap of a situation where a mother is left alone with her son is that she is very attached to her son. She is attached to being a good person, so that he behaves in society as it should be, that he be respected - all this is a manifestation of maternal affection. And everything she will do will lead to only one thing - he will become more and more impudent. This woman must understand that the loop for her son is her own love, or rather not even love, but affection. If a woman truly loves her son, she gives him a kick in the ass and tells him to earn a living for himself. Only an honest mother can do this, who is not attached and does not shake over her son. A man is brought up and develops only when he is ill. He cannot be brought up when he feels good,” notes Oleg Torsunov.
However, as long as parents give an adult son the opportunity to live like Christ's in the bosom without any effort on his part, he will not progress. Most often, such children, on the contrary, become even more impudent. A woman, if she was left alone with her son, must understand that men must be very strict. If she shakes over her son, she will not be able to raise him. After all, he still understands that his mother will not do anything wrong with him, so he can continue to behave like this.
There are men who cannot even marry because the mother is very attached to him. Such a man does not live, but simply exists. He cannot find a job, he cannot get married, he cannot do anything. How can a mother help such a son? Only one way - to let him go with love. He will thank her later. But in this case, we are not talking about girls, because difficulties only spoil the female character, depriving him of natural softness and care. The girl, on the contrary, needs to live with her parents until she gets married.
Meanwhile, some of you will say excitedly, what if the son will drink if he is given freedom? And here you need to think about what you put into it while it was under your influence. Because children are under the influence of their parents only up to 14 years old, and then they turn on their own karma and they go out of the control zone. Therefore, what you invested in a child under 14 years old, so he will be. Even if he ends up in a bad company, he will have knowledge of how to behave.
Letting his son go to life, parents do not punish him, but bless him. They simply deprive him of the opportunity to use what he does not yet deserve. After all, he himself must earn on his parents, and not they should earn on it, and this does not mean violence. This means a manifestation of justice in relation to the Son, and in this case he will understand everything. As soon as he is no longer given money, he will immediately sober up and turn on his brains.
Oleg Gennadievich claims that violence against a boy is that his mother continues to overprotect her with her unnecessary love: «Oh, why didn’t you eat?», «Why don’t you work?», etc. and the son will only make him angry. Thus, the mother only destroys his life.
About the mistakes and development of sons
But what if the son already lives separately and he has his own family, and he continues to ask for money? In this case, you need to calmly tell your son that he is already quite big and it would be time for him to cope with his problems himself. Understand that parents are not required to support adult children, let alone buy apartments for them and close their loans. This only corrupts adult sons, with rare exceptions, when the boy's mind was not lulled by the mother's excessive care. In most cases, the sons know that they already have everything, and do not strain.
Therefore, if you have adult sons and you are thinking of buying an apartment for them, think about it. For nothing, an apartment or car that you get is never appreciated, moreover, they will make life easier for your sons. So strong that in most cases they generally lose the desire to progress and develop. After all, they become a man only in the fight against difficulties, and if the parents have already taken care of everything in advance and paved his way with straws, then you should not be surprised if a guy at 30 cannot find a job and support his children. This means that in his 30 years he never turned on his mind, he did not learn to overcome difficulties, but only sought to enjoy life. This is the fundamental difference between a boy and a man, and probably many have seen such «boys» who are already 40-50 years old, and they still run from the difficulties of life.
Therefore, first of all, parents need to cover the «crane», from which funds flow for the life of such a son. It is necessary to explain that it is time to take responsibility for your life, but continue to love your son, invite him to visit, support his family, buy toys, clothes for your grandchildren, if necessary, but not give money. Otherwise, you will curse your son with such a service, and not bless. Yes, it will be difficult for him, and you may even think that you are insensitive parents. But it's not.
The fact that you give your son a mistake and make bumps, and your love is manifested. After all, sometimes some of us need to live to the handle to raise our spirits and start a swift movement upwards. A man who knows that he has no one to count on always develops rapidly and respects in society. The one who lives on everything ready, it doesn’t matter at the expense of his wife or parents, will always cause ridicule in the eyes of others, and that such a man will not respect himself, which will later certainly result in problems in the family. Think about what life you want for your child?
A boy who knows that parents do not have money for paid studies himself makes high demands on himself and diligently prepares for admission. An orphan, left without parents, knows that he has nowhere to wait for gifts of fate, therefore he clings to any work and holds on to it until he finds the necessary qualities and qualifications. A husband who has a wife stays at home with a child knows that he has no other options to go and earn money for a living.
In this case, the man goes up, and years later, he realizes that all the difficulties for him were the blessing of God. Therefore, parents need to have the courage to overcome their affection and give their son the opportunity to build their own lives. Let him not immediately succeed, but for him it will be an invaluable experience. Otherwise, parents risk supporting their son until old age, thus destroying his life. Give your sons the opportunity to develop. Let them make mistakes.
