Friends, our website regularly receives questions from listeners of Oleg Gennadievich’s lectures. Most of them are related to a crisis in a relationship. We have selected only some of those that relate to the topic of low self-esteem and lost self-esteem. Since the answers are quite lengthy, we provide them in the links in the title of the question.
1. My husband doesn't care about the family and is threatening divorce
Hello, Oleg Gennadievich. I've been saving my questions for when I get to see you, but now I'm on the verge of a divorce, and it's really unsettling me. I would like to know your opinion. My husband and I have been together not long ago, a little less than three years. We have no children born together. We met incorrectly, and our relationship also developed incorrectly. Knowledge in the form of your lectures came into my life about a year after the start of the relationship.
Almost from the very beginning, the spouse does not provide for the family and has no interests other than computer games. Although he is a talented musician, he does not devote time to this. He never congratulated me on a single holiday; during the entire time of our acquaintance and marriage, I was not given even one flower, not to mention something more serious.
While I was working, we somehow existed. As soon as I was left without work, debts began to accumulate. I had to borrow money to feed my children, to buy things I needed. I had a lot of beautiful dresses - I had to sell them all to buy food. The same fate befell the jewelry that I had accumulated over the years.
Я много раз пыталась разговаривать с ним, следовать вашим рекомендациям для таких ситуаций, но он просто замолкал и находился в квартире как сосед. Покупал себе продукты и готовил отдельно, шпынял моих детей (с моим старшим сыном у него отношения не заладились с самого начала, такое чувство, что сын его очень сильно раздражает).
I don’t feel love from my husband, he doesn’t show any concern. I'm mentally exhausted. Yesterday I confronted the fact that I was leaving. She said that I felt that we needed to live separately. To which he replied - either we live as we lived, or we get a divorce, and that scares me so much. This is my third marriage. The previous ones fell apart due to my fault, and I realize this. And now I’m scared that suddenly I haven’t completed something in my current marriage, what if I have to save the family.
I was ready to leave and pray for him, but the word divorce completely threw me off balance now. I really hope that you will somehow comment on my situation.
2. I am dating a young man who does not want to start a family.
Good evening. I have this situation. My boyfriend and I met at the university, we’ve been dating for four years now, if you can call it that. We diverged and then came together. While he was dating me, he was dating (as I found out) another girl. He tells me that I completely suit him in everything, but he doesn’t want to start a family with me or anyone.
I understand that he is still young. He is 21 years old. I tell him, let’s stop our communication then, that nothing will work out for us, since I am 9.5 years older than him, but outwardly this is not noticeable. Besides, we live in different cities. But he still keeps me close to him, makes sure that I don’t have anyone. I would like to be with this person, but I’m afraid that this will drag on and in the end he will leave me. He already told me that “that’s it, we need to leave you alone” and still writes.
I try to do everything as Oleg Gennadievich says: I pray (not much, but I try), I don’t eat meat. Tell me, please, what should I do? He seems to have feelings, but he probably wouldn’t have done anything either; there are plenty of girls in his city. His family used to be against me, now it seems like the opposite, but it feels like something has changed in him.
Maybe it’s my karmic debts that prevent me from being with a person? This isn't the first time my relationship hasn't worked out this way. At first everything is fine, and then everything collapses. I know my mistakes, which were in this life and that I also have many vices. But is it really because of them that I will now not be able to build my life with the person I would like to be with?
Thanks to prayers, it’s no longer so painful for me to stop communicating with him, and I was able to forgive his betrayals, accepted him for who he is, but something is wrong, and I can’t understand what exactly. Thank you.
3. All men want to sit on my neck
Hello, Oleg Gennadievich!
I really count on your help. I am haunted by the fear that all men just want to sit on my neck. It all started in childhood. When my dad died, I was 7 years old. A year or two later, my mother got a man. At first, they had everything like everyone else, but over time, mom began to complain about the lack of help from him.
My mother raised my sister and me alone, working three jobs. She complained that she did not receive any financial help from him. Moreover, he always came to us just to eat and never brought anything. It got to the point that my mother would give him money for gas if we needed to go somewhere. Their relationship lasted about 10 years. After much reproach from my mother, they separated. I remembered him the way he came to us and went to the kitchen to eat.
The years passed. I met a man, at first we talked, met, then he started coming to us, and history repeated itself. He practically lived with us and never brought anything. Even for tea. I broke up with him. The problem is that this prevents me from building relationships not only personal, but also at work. There was a fear that everyone was using me or wanted to use me.
It seems to me that my men always owe me. It always seems to me that they do nothing for me, do not take financial responsibility for me. I always throw tantrums on this basis. I feel sorry for myself that I am everything to a man, and he is nothing to me. I always beg them with tears for financial support. When I get what I want, I make a note to myself that this good man helps me, supports me.
I understand that I’m wrong, but I don’t know how to work with it. I can't build strong relationships. I live in an attempt to prove that my man does everything for me. How can I work on myself?
4. My boyfriend dumped me. What did I do wrong?
Good day! I'm asking for advice on what to do next. A couple of days ago my boyfriend left me. Harsh and very rude! He said that he was tired of me and he was tired. We were together for more than five years. They came together and then diverged. He betrayed him more than once, but over time I forgave him everything.
In the last year, I began to work on our relationship with him through spiritual practices, and, as it seemed to me, everything began to improve. We stopped fighting, I learned to accept and love him for who he is, began to take care of him and obey him. I really liked it, it made me feel warm in my heart for him. But, apparently, all this was my deep delusion. He left! More precisely, he kicked me out without trying to explain anything.
His simple “go away” raised a lot of questions in me, which he readily answered. Now there is no pain in my soul yet, there is stupor, confusion, but at the same time some invisible force has appeared in me that does not allow me to feel pain. The terrible pain that he caused me before. I'm afraid that it will hit me again and I will feel very bad.
What can be done to prevent this from happening? Did I really do everything wrong, because he told me that I was groveling in front of him, and now he doesn’t like that about me. What's my mistake? I know that I can forgive this person and Oleg Gennadievich’s advice will help me. Just what did I do wrong?
5. The man doesn't want to get married
Hello. Thank you for the opportunity to ask your question. I am no longer a young woman, I have been married twice and divorce was twice on my initiative. Now I have been dating a man for almost 2 years. Each of us has our own adult children, who themselves have families.
I know and believe that nothing happens just like that, that the Lord brought us together at exactly the right time for each of us. We don’t live together, but as a woman I try to serve him: I cook something tasty when we meet, sometimes I give small gifts, I try to understand him in some ways, I treat him sincerely. I want to live together as husband and wife.
At the moment, he does not want to live together, apparently, he is satisfied with this situation. He treats me well, but at times it seems to me that he is using me, that I am just convenient for him and that’s all. I tried to talk to him about our relationship, he told me that he was attracted to me, and that’s all. To be honest, it’s very difficult for me psychologically with such a man, we are very different. I can’t understand why this man was given to me?
I don’t want to break off the relationship myself. I can't figure out what lesson I should take with him? I understand if we lived together as a family, otherwise we are partners, one might say. What should I do, please advise.
On the one hand, if you feel a consumer attitude towards yourself, and not like a man towards a woman, then maybe it’s worth breaking off the relationship with him? But, on the other hand, I cannot part with him, I am also drawn to him. He doesn’t want to start a family, doesn’t want to live together. What should I do and how should I approach this, please tell me.
6. My husband doesn’t care about his family, and my service only causes him to become corrupted.
Dear Oleg Gennadievich! Your lectures are amazing, and I think that they should especially help those people who have not yet chosen a life partner in order to see a person with their hearts. But tell me what to do if I chose with a closed heart. I haven’t seen the man, and now his qualities seem completely irreconcilable to me. And this doesn't apply to the two of us. This also applies to our two children.
Children see this terrible situation. They see that there is no warmth and mutual assistance. We live under the same roof, but we are not together. Example: a little daughter is often in the hospital. She is 2.6 years old. Any virus that my brother brings from kindergarten leads to severe vomiting, there is no way to stop it, and we go to the hospital.
Imagine the picture. Night. Two children are vomiting. They need to be soldered off, the temperature lowered, and clothes changed. I don't sleep all night and ask my husband for help. And what do I hear in response: “Listen, close the door. Don’t you see I’m sleeping.” Always like this. At the same time, the father of my children does not overwork. He lies on the couch and watches TV, and I run around like a squirrel in a wheel all day.
Yes, great advice to lie down next to. But then my children will simply die in vomit, without food or drink. I've tried a lot. She prayed, performed her duties selflessly, a person only becomes corrupted. He doesn't see me or the children. He's not interested in us. He is not involved in raising them. Just screams and pokes. Shut up. Leave. Get out! He only wants TV and food. Maybe there is no point in continuing this relationship and it is better to end it? Help!
