How to overcome the false ego in a relationship?

When a person strives for inner life, false egoism melts away, but truth grows, and the desire to serve appears.

False ego is one of the central concepts of Vedic philosophy, without which not a single lecture by Oleg Gennadievich is complete. This concept implies a whole complex of not the best qualities that we show every day in certain situations, but most often in relationships with others and loved ones. Previously, we examined the concept of selfishness in more detail in the article “How does selfishness in ignorance manifest itself in family life?”.

According to the Vedas, each of us has a fair amount of selfishness, which only increases when we begin to live a family life. Thus, the egoism of one person combines with the egoism of another, and the result is a hectic life, where everyone pulls the blanket over themselves. If a husband and wife do not want to find a compromise and give in to each other, then the marriage comes to an end quite quickly. After all, selfishness is the main enemy of any relationship.

Let's give a simple example. The husband comes home from work tired, his wife has been waiting for him all day and already misses him. Everyone has their own desires: the husband wants to relax so that no one bothers him, the wife wants to enjoy communication with her husband. But if the husband doesn’t have the strength to even look at her, because he’s had a hard day and his psyche is on the wane, and the wife doesn’t understand this and only pesters her with questions like: “Why aren’t you paying attention to me?”, then there’s no scandal. will make you wait a long time.

Why is this happening? Because two egoisms collide, and everyone wants their own. Therefore, if we do not have the strength to simply take care and give our husband a rest, as in this case, or to calmly answer and smile at our wife, despite fatigue, this means that wounded selfishness will definitely make us suffer.

“When people are in the desire to exploit each other and consider it love, this causes terrible suffering. When a person’s ability to give love for a long time weakens, his loved one cannot stand it, and thus the family is destroyed. And this always happens. A difficult period comes for everyone. And if we don’t know how to overcome it, then this is an ignorant relationship in which there is no chance of saving the family,” notes Oleg Torsunov.

If we don’t have the knowledge of how to build relationships correctly, then things are bad. As Oleg Gennadievich says, if we don’t brush our teeth, our mouth starts to smell bad, the same applies to relationships. If we do not cleanse them in our hearts, then they give off a bad smell. Since a man wants to enjoy a woman, and a woman wants to enjoy a man, egoism in ignorance increases between them. It grows like a snowball. The more it grows, the more sensitivity appears and the less likely it is to remain calm. There is more pain, suffering and conflict in relationships.

Therefore, Oleg Gennadievich advises cleaning relationships. You need to work with your soul on relationships and do things that neutralize the build-up of egoism. After all, true love is not enjoying a loved one, but serving and nurturing him with love.

The very first stage of victory over selfishness comes when we understand that we can live next to a loved one and accept his character, habits and shortcomings. A state in which we do not expect anything more than a loved one can give. This is how true love slowly emerges in a relationship. But in order to tune in like this, you need to invest effort. But the guna (energy) of passion affects us in such a way that we always want more. As the famous song says: “But I’m always missing something: in winter - summer, in autumn - spring,” so we torment each other. This is how the false ego works.

But when a person wants less and less from a loved one, then he gets used to him as he is, and he becomes calm. For example, he drives home from work in the evening and thinks: “I’ll rest at home today.” Because there is no swearing, no scandals, I accept everything from the person. And this is a completely different attitude to the situation. This is the very first stage in family relationships when people can already talk to each other without hysterics.

— When there is no love, but only exploitation, then when people begin to communicate more or less seriously, a scandal immediately begins. Because feelings of resentment and vulnerability are very powerful in relationships. But when people begin to serve each other in relationships, a calm life begins. You can sit quietly and chat with each other. Service and care is a feat that does not arise by itself. To do this, you need to work and work on yourself, advises Oleg Gennadievich.

If we don’t want to work on ourselves, then a false ego settles in the relationship, which cannot be pulled out so easily. If we imagine egoism in a 100-point system, then when we wake up in the morning, the level of our false ego is all 100 points. To become at least 50, you need to pray, think about a holy person, read the Holy Scriptures, forgive everyone in your heart, that is, commit some kind of inner life. Not external, for example, watching TV or reading a book, but internal. Alone with myself. I want to take care of everyone, I want to forgive everyone, I want to love everyone, I want to bow to holiness, I want to pray - all this is called inner life, or the life of the soul.

When a person strives for inner life, false egoism melts away, but truth grows, and the desire to serve appears. For this reason, people in ancient culture prayed every day in the morning because they had the knowledge of what the false ego is, that it is the force that destroys all relationships. But being under the influence of this force, we are in illusion. It seems to us that I am doing everything right, it is my loved one who is having problems. If you have such thoughts, know that this is the action of the false ego.

It is for this reason that when someone tells us how we need to live, we want to say: “Don’t teach me.” Because, as a rule, we tend to believe that it is someone else who is to blame for my problems, not me. A woman whose husband does not help with housework thinks that he is such a bad person. She does not understand that he is not helping, only because she already copes with everything herself, and does not give the reins to him. The husband, who does not work and blames all employers for this, believes that he is an excellent specialist, he is just unlucky or everyone around him is deceiving him about his work.

That is why most of us listen to Oleg Gennadievich’s lectures in order to understand where my family is wrong. If we strived to gain knowledge in order to understand how I can correct my mistakes and become better, then there would be more happy families. And while we are in the mood of “I see a speck in someone else’s eye, but I don’t notice a log in my own,” then the false ego will increase every day, and nothing good will come from it.

After all, as they say, all our suffering comes from wounded pride, from the fact that someone looked at us the wrong way or said something wrong. And behind all this is our selfishness. Therefore, it is logical to assume that the less it is, the more inner peace we will have. This is clearly stated in the scriptures. Here is a quote: True peace is achieved only by those who have completely eliminated the desire for sensual pleasures, are free from desires, do not consider themselves the owner of anything and have gotten rid of the false ego” (Bhagavad- gita, 2.71).


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