What a woman allows to be done to herself is what happens in her life.
Sometimes it happens that you look at familiar families and see happy couples, smiling faces, a beautiful house, children. And then it turns out that behind all this external beauty there is no spiritual closeness and peace, but there is only the only correct opinion that belongs to one of the spouses. What should we do when a loved one dictates how we should live and cannot stand what we like? In this article we will talk about domestic violence as suppression of one of the spouses and will also touch on the extreme degree of this rejection - domestic violence.
Surely many have encountered the fact that loved ones do not always accept our interests, hobbies and behavior with a bang. For example, a girl really likes to sing and before she got married, she loved to sing at home just like that or while cleaning. However, her husband does not like it when someone sings nearby and the sound itself is intolerant to him. Common situation?
Or one more example. You always liked to wear clothes of the same style, and your husband tells you something from the category “you can’t wear that”, “what strange clothes you have”, “wear something normal”! Surely many of you have come across this concept - normal. When you tried and cooked, and the answer was: “Isn’t there anything normal?!”
What to do in these situations: suppress yourself and please your husband or tell him what you think? The answer is this. It is imperative to talk about your needs or grievances. You just need to do it correctly. Without accusations and hysterics, in a calm manner, but this still needs to be learned, don’t you agree?
Why is it so important to voice your needs?
1. If you don’t say anything and think that your loved one will figure it out on his own (a classic female mistake!), then he runs the risk of not finding out anything at all. Neither about the fact that you, it turns out, love to sing, nor about the fact that it’s unpleasant for you when you are so harshly besieged.
2. Take care of yourself, because there can be a million such moments, and you will remain silent all the time?
3. Don't suppress your nature. You are who you are. Yes, you may have to go through your wardrobe and buy something more suitable and something your husband likes. After all, one of the duties of a wife is to please her husband’s eyes and always be beautiful for him. But if you feel like singing, sing. Our loved ones change over time, and perhaps later your singing will remind your husband of home and family comfort.
4. The most important point. The more grievances you accumulate, the more you poison yourself. Know that when your pot is filled to the brim, no one will be able to hold you back. This is why angel girls turn into those who fly on a broom.
5. You will remember with regret that you once loved something so much, but your wings were cut off. And you definitely won’t blame yourself for this. Therefore, take responsibility for your life and do not fall into accusations. You yourself allowed this to happen.
While we explore the causes of pressure, let's also talk about important concepts like spousal equality and self-esteem.
Spousal equality
The first thing you should know is that spouses are equal to each other. It often happens that a woman, having listened to Oleg Gennadievich’s lectures and realizing that she must serve her husband, begins to consider him a celestial being. She walks on tiptoe in front of him, agrees with him in everything, while he gradually begins to go wild. But this is not at all what Oleg Gennadievich is talking about.
If you listen more carefully, you can see that line in a relationship that can protect those who began to serve and encountered even greater dissatisfaction from their husbands from mistakes. Remember Cinderella. No matter how she tried to please her stepmother, she was always unhappy. So you don't have to please anyone. Service does not equal humiliation.
Oleg Gennadievich says that spouses are equal to each other, but a woman can pretend that she considers her husband to be the eldest, because this brings peace and tranquility to the family. Although deep down she knows that he is an equal, she allows him to be the eldest. This understanding gives her the right to be weak, ask for help, and also make comments to him, say no, advise something, etc. In a word, acting on him is sobering. That is, when he gets carried away in one direction or another, she will be able to tell him her weighty word.
If a woman really believes that her husband is older and worships him as an elder, then she, unwittingly, will contribute to his degradation. The man will begin to be proud of himself, because he has such a good wife, which means he deserves it! So, over time, he will begin to become impudent, behave in an unworthy manner, and what’s worst is that he will know that everything is permissible for him. Do you feel the difference? Not allowing the husband’s misbehavior to be tolerated is the wife’s responsibility, which is only possible on the platform of equality of relationships. Only God can be the eldest in a relationship, and He must be put first, and everything else comes later.
What does lack of self-esteem lead to?
If a woman initially has no self-esteem and she married a man without even knowing him, then life will continue to teach her lessons. How will fate do this? Through the people closest to her. For example, through parents or through husband. Who is closer to her, to whom she feels more affection, where there is more pain, learning will come from there.
Therefore, if a woman does not know that she needs to stop her husband’s misbehavior in a timely manner and distance herself from him, then by tolerating his attitude, she accumulates negative energy. Since she doesn’t know how to take it off, she hoards it even more and more until she has nowhere to put it anymore. What happens then? A woman who has been accumulating dissatisfaction, downtroddenness, humiliation and resentment for a long time simply can no longer remain silent, and a scandal begins.
A man who is accustomed to his wife always remaining silent and not telling him anything will be at a loss. But since a woman’s psychic strength is six times stronger than a man’s, she simply begins to put pressure on him with her emotions, through which all her pain pours out. At this moment it is already difficult to stop the woman. She remembers everything that happened, all the cases of unworthy behavior, what he said, what he didn’t say and didn’t do, etc. However, the male psyche is structured in such a way that he cannot tolerate a woman’s strong emotions, especially mixed with accusations against him . So, with the intensity of passions, his mind turns off and he becomes uncontrollable.
By telling his wife: “Shut up!”, he only awakens in her more anger and a desire to speak out. By blaming her husband even more, the woman drives herself into a corner, because an angry man is capable of anything. When he realizes that he cannot cope with his wife, he stops seeing her as a woman and sees in front of him a rival who must be defeated at all costs. Since he lacks mental strength, he uses what he has - physical strength. And at this moment something happens that forever divides family relationships into before and after.
But if you rewind to the very beginning, why did this happen? Because the wife did not know how to stop her husband’s unworthy behavior in a timely manner, voice her needs, set boundaries, say no when pressured, etc. However, prevention is always better than cure. It is not so expensive and energy-consuming. After all, it’s better to learn to talk about what we want and what we don’t want in a timely manner than to mend broken relationships later. Is not it?
The Vedas say that a happy family life depends on the woman. After all, what a woman allows to be done to herself is what happens in her life. Moreover, by corrupting her husband with improper “service,” she destroys both her life and his. Everyone knows that the same man can behave differently with different women, therefore, dear women, everything is in your hands.
In the next article we will look at whether it is necessary tolerate violence and what to do if your husband raises his hand against you.
