Oleg Torsunov: “The main secret is a compliant approach. And this is very difficult, because for many women this is a step into the abyss.”
This is a very popular topic for all women who got married and have already become convinced that there is nothing to do in the family without a compliant approach. From Oleg Gennadyevich’s lectures we hear that we need to serve our husband and agree with him in everything, but how to do this if I want to do it my own way. So, in this article we will try to answer these questions and start by talking about how the male and female psyche works.
About male and female nature
The Vedas say that a man and a woman are complete opposites of each other, and this is manifested in everything: in their behavior, way of thinking, interests, communication, needs, etc. The fundamental difference is that a woman is very soft on the outside and very hard on the inside. . This means that throughout her life her character hardly changes; it adapts to different conditions, but remains the same.
A man, on the contrary, is very adamant in appearance and very pliable in his heart. This means that a man can progress or degrade very quickly, since his internal psychic cylinder is weaker than that of women. For this reason, we often see outstanding men, as well as those who have sunk to the very bottom of life. Women, compared to men, generally stay on the same level.
When a husband and wife understand how their nature works, it is easier for them to negotiate with each other, it is easier for them to live together, it is easier not to look for reasons for displeasure. When there is no awareness of this small but fundamental difference, family life can seem unsweetened. After all, what is needed for a happy life in a family? You need to overcome the framework of a man’s hardness, or, in Oleg Gennadievich’s language, the outer psychic cylinder, and then you can get everything you want! After all, a happy man filled with love does not feel sorry for anything for his wife and children! But to achieve this, a woman first needs to learn to give in, and this is a great art.
Correct tactics
The ability to give in is a very valuable skill. One comes to it either through bitter experience or through knowledge. This is why Oleg Gennadievich talks so much about building harmonious relationships, because most of us know nothing about it. What's next behind the white veil and wedding ring? The question is rhetorical for many. Therefore, it is very important to learn how to communicate correctly with a loved one, and here the ability to yield and peacefully resolve any issues can come to the rescue.
— If a man starts to put pressure, what should you do first? Give in. It is interesting that all men agree with this. If you ask any man, do you agree that a woman will give in to you if you demand something, but then it will still turn out the way she wanted? All men agree, because the main thing for them is that they do not try to violate their principles, notes Oleg Gennadievich.
If a man says: “Stop spending money, let’s save!” What should I say? I must say that I agree. At the same time, you may disagree internally, but you don’t have to show it. Because a woman who constantly argues with her husband on every issue only destroys her family.
- If you want to spend money somewhere, you need to come up and say it gently. Like, we need to buy the youngest a vest. At first the husband will protest: “How is this possible? After all, we are going to save money.” But a woman, if she serves a man with love, will be able to persuade him. Even if you can’t save more money. The main thing is that we set a course for savings, for example, to buy a car. A man sets a goal, and we go towards it as best we can. At the same time, a woman does not need a goal, she needs her desires to be satisfied. What is needed for this? The main secret is a compliant approach. And this is very difficult, because for many women this is a step into the abyss,” explains Oleg Torsunov.
Fear of giving in
Most women think that if I give in like this all the time, my husband will become who knows what. However, if you say that you agree, this does not mean that you think the same as him, and this does not mean at all that everything will be the way he wants. It's not so literal. The main thing in this agreement is to show respect to the husband, because in reality the result is not so important to him. For a man, the main thing is that you respect him.
For example, you don’t agree with him, but you agree simply to maintain peace in the family. In this case, victory awaits you. Since a man's heart is weak, he will not be able to resist your love, and you will get what you wanted. In this case, your husband will not be very upset about what you did in your own way. The main thing is that his idea of buying a car was recognized. This approach is very environmentally friendly and helps to avoid unnecessary quarrels.
For example, a woman loves to spoil her son, but her husband does not allow her. When he says that she shouldn’t feel sorry for him too much, then his wife should immediately agree with him to calm him down. If he sees that she continues to do this and is dissatisfied with this, he must say: “Sorry, please. I'm a woman. I will try very hard, but right now I can’t. You do as you say, and I will follow you.” In this case, the husband will understand that his wife is not spoiling her son in spite of him, but simply because she does not have the strength to resist her feelings. At the same time, he understands that his opinion and decision regarding this issue is still the main thing, and his wife accepts this. This means that he will not have worries on this topic and there will be peace in the family.
Another case. My husband is planning a weekend. What need to do? You must give him this right, although perhaps you have some business of your own. Tell him that he knows best how to do what. If you lovingly conveyed to him that his opinion is the most important, he will definitely ask you: “What do you want?” And here you can say your vision of the weekend: that you need to go to the store, do something around the house, visit friends who have just returned from vacation, etc. So, in a peaceful way you can resolve any issues, ranging from wallpaper shopping to family travel. The compliant approach gives a woman the opportunity to be happy and get everything she wants.
Who is the boss in the house?
Why is it so difficult for a woman to be compliant? The answer is simple: because we want to compete with men. We don't want to lag behind - we want to run ahead of the locomotive.
— The man pretends to be cool, and the woman next to him also pretends to be cool. For what? Not to give in. God forbid that he be stronger than me. A woman does not understand that a man, in principle, cannot be stronger. All his strength is directed to work, to society, he is strong there. He cannot be strong in the family, he has no strength in personal relationships, so there is no need to be afraid of him. A reasonable woman has no one to fight with at home,” comments Oleg Gennadievich.
A woman who does not understand this constantly fights in her mind with a man, tries to gain the upper hand over him and, moreover, encroaches on his freedom and principles. Therefore, it is better for a woman not to argue with a man about any fundamental issues and not to make them a cornerstone, over which she will have to stumble every now and then in family quarrels.
- If a woman is not inferior to a man, but follows the principle, then all his strength manifests itself. If you follow the principle, then he will never give in to you, because a man’s principles are stronger than those of a woman. Love in a wife’s heart is stronger than principles, but if a man follows a principle, you can’t do anything with him,” Oleg Gennadievich emphasizes.
It is for this reason that the strongest conflicts occur in families. Trying to prove to each other who is right and who is wrong. It’s even worse when the causes of quarrels become ideological issues: faith, nutrition, lifestyle, bad habits, etc. It’s even worse when it all develops into violence. When a woman stands her ground very strongly and is not inferior to a man, he resorts to physical force. He doesn’t have enough mental strength to defeat his wife, because the woman is always stronger in a relationship, so he starts fighting with her. This is how the beatings begin.
Society usually tends to believe that it is always the man's fault. However, the Vedas say that not everything is so simple. Most often, a man only projects his wife’s mental mood. If she does not want to give in to him, then he has only two options: to become henpecked or to defeat the enemy in the person of his wife. We wrote about this in more detail in the article “Should we tolerate domestic violence?”.
A compliant approach for a woman means understanding the psyche of a man. Understanding that he is strong and unapproachable only on the outside, but on the inside he is very soft and flexible, so there is no need to defeat him. There is no need to strongly insist on your own when you can already do everything your own way, just without advertising it and without causing your husband unnecessary worries. This is how peace is maintained in the family. Dear women, happiness is in your hands. Just stop arguing with your husbands about every issue and learn to give in with love.
