The root of all a man's future problems and his pampered upbringing in childhood lies in the mother's excessive affection.
Not everyone can boast that they have good children. Loving children who do not forget about their parents and continue to care for them in old age are the exception rather than the rule. It also happens that children are good, but for some reason they cannot make decisions themselves, build their future, but on the contrary, they increasingly turn to you for help? And if in the case of girls this does not cause serious concern, then in the case of boys the situation is different.
What to do if your son is no longer 18, but he continues to ask you for pocket money? What if he is already married and has children himself, but you have to help every time, or even close his loans? So, our new article is devoted to the relationship between parents and adult sons.
About raising a boy
Let's talk about the reasons for relaxed behavior and unwillingness to take responsibility in older guys. Everything, oddly enough, comes from childhood.
The Vedas say that a woman should not raise a boy herself. She must give this prerogative to her father, because he has an innate understanding that a boy needs difficulties. Therefore, the father always puts the boy in a situation where it is difficult for him. If a woman does not understand that she has given birth to a boy, this means that she does not understand that she will need to turn a blind eye to the fact that her son will have a difficult time developing and will somehow endure some kind of hardship and suffering.
So, if the mother does not want to admit this, then she pampers her son by facilitating the trials that first the father creates for him, and then fate. As a result, she thus destroys the fate of her son. She takes away from him the opportunity to overcome difficulties, strengthen character, learn to look for a way out of a situation, and make decisions. But these are masculine qualities that he will really need in the future! Without them, it will be impossible to find a good job and start a family.
Very often, mothers destroy the fate of their sons, without wanting it and without suspecting that they turn them into mummy's boys, weak-willed and unhappy people. But a mother cannot make her son suffer, unlike a father. It can only ease the suffering. This is how her psyche works. A mother cannot bear to see her son suffer, so the Vedas say that a woman should stay away from raising her sons. She can encourage, love, take care of them, but the father must raise them, as is often the case in Eastern families.
Oleg Gennadievich argues that a father’s duty is to create difficulties for his son, keep him strict, punish him if necessary, but do all this with love. Because only in these actions does the mind of the future man mature, he becomes strong and strong. If you apply severity without love, with malice in your heart, this will only lead to the boy becoming very bitter against his father, and there will be an irreconcilable wall between them. If a father, on the contrary, spoils his son, this most often means that he himself is spoiled. This means that the woman lacks strictness in her relationship with her husband.
Things get even worse if the boy is raised without a dad. It would be good if the mother was able to build a relationship with him in which the son, from childhood, tried to take responsibility for his mother and protect her from exhausting work. And if not? If, on the contrary, he is accustomed to the fact that she provides everything? After all, you can often find families in which adults are already boys and neither study nor work, but only play computer games, go out at night with friends and withdraw money from their parent’s card.
About maternal affection
A relaxed, spoiled life greatly corrupts children, especially boys, because it is they who have to pave the way in life and in the future provide for both their family and their parents. Such an environment is not conducive to the development of their minds. After all, as Oleg Gennadievich says, a man has a military psyche, and it turns on only when there is an urgent need to find a way out of the current situation. Thus, the root of all future problems for a man and his pampered upbringing in childhood lies in the shameful excessive affection of the mother.
— The trap of a situation when a mother is left alone with her son is that she is very strongly attached to her son. She is attached to him being a good person, to behaving in society as he should, to being respected - all this is a manifestation of maternal affection. And everything she does will lead to only one thing - he will become more and more impudent. This woman must understand that the noose for her son is her own love, or rather not even love, but affection. If a woman truly loves her son, she gives him a kick in the ass and tells him to earn his own living. Only an honest mother can do this, who is not attached and does not tremble over her son. A man is educated and develops only when he feels bad. He cannot be brought up when he feels good,” notes Oleg Torsunov.
However, as long as parents give their adult son the opportunity to live like Christ in his bosom without any effort on his part, he will not progress. Most often, such children, on the contrary, become even more impudent. A woman, if she is left alone with her son, must understand that she must be very strict with men. If she worries about her son, then she will not be able to raise him. After all, he still understands that his mother will not do anything bad to him, so he can continue to behave this way.
There are some men who cannot even get married because their mother is very attached to him. Such a man does not live, but simply exists. He can't find a job, he can't get married, he can't do anything. How can a mother help such a son? There is only one way - to let him go with love. He will thank her later. But in this case we are not talking about girls, because difficulties only spoil a woman’s character, depriving her of natural gentleness and care. A girl, on the other hand, needs to live with her parents until she gets married.
Meanwhile, some of you will excitedly say, what if your son starts drinking if he is given freedom? And here you need to think about what you invested in him while he was under your influence. Because children are under the influence of their parents only until they are 14 years old, and then their own karma kicks in and they get out of control. Therefore, what you invested in a child before the age of 14 is what he will be. Even if he finds himself in bad company, he will have knowledge of how to behave.
When releasing their son into life, parents do not punish him, but bless him. They simply deprive him of the opportunity to enjoy what he does not yet deserve. After all, he himself must earn for his parents, and not they must earn for him, and this does not mean violence. This means being fair to your son, and in this case he will understand everything. As soon as they stop giving him money, he will immediately sober up and start using his brain.
Oleg Gennadievich argues that violence against a boy lies in the fact that the mother, with her unnecessary love, continues to overprotect her: “Oh, why didn’t you eat?”, “Why don’t you work?” etc., and the son will only become wild from this. Thus, his mother only ruins his life.
About mistakes and development of sons
But what to do if the son already lives separately and has his own family, but he continues to ask for money? In this case, you need to calmly tell your son that he is already quite big and it’s time for him to deal with his problems himself. Understand that parents are not obligated to support adult children, much less buy them apartments and pay off their loans. This only corrupts adult sons, with rare exceptions when the boy's mind was not lulled by the mother's excessive care. In most cases, sons know that they already have everything and don’t bother.
Therefore, if you have adult sons and are thinking about buying them an apartment, think about it. An apartment or car you get for free will never be appreciated; moreover, it will make life much easier for your sons. So much so that in most cases they will completely lose the desire to progress and develop. After all, one becomes a man only in the fight against difficulties, and if the parents have already worried about everything in advance and paved his path with straw, then one should not be surprised if a guy at 30 years old cannot find a job and support his children. This means that in his 30 years he never turned on his mind, did not learn to overcome difficulties, but only strived to enjoy life. This is the fundamental difference between a boy and a man, and many have probably seen such “boys” who are already 40–50 years old, and they are still running away from the difficulties of life.
Therefore, first of all, parents need to close the “faucet” from which funds flow for the life of such a son. It is necessary to explain that it is time to take responsibility for your life, but continue to love your son, invite him to visit, support his family, buy his grandchildren toys, clothes, if necessary, but not give him money. Otherwise, with such a service you will curse your son, and not bless him. Yes, it will be difficult for him, and you may even think that you are insensitive parents. But that's not true.
The fact that you allow your son to make mistakes and make mistakes is where your love is manifested. After all, sometimes some of us need to live to death in order to perk up and begin a rapid upward movement. A man who knows that he has no one to count on always develops quickly and is respected in society. The one who lives on everything ready, no matter at the expense of his wife or parents, will always cause ridicule in the eyes of others, and worst of all, such a man will not respect himself, which will certainly result in problems in the family. Think about what kind of life you want for your child?
A boy who knows that his parents do not have money for paid studies makes high demands on himself and diligently prepares for admission. An orphan left without parents knows that he has nowhere to wait for the gifts of fate, so he clings to any job and holds on to it until he acquires the necessary qualities and qualifications. A husband whose wife stays at home with a child knows that he has no other options but to go and earn a living.
In this case, the man goes up, and years later, he realizes that all the difficulties for him were a blessing from God. Therefore, parents need to have the courage to overcome their attachment and give their son the opportunity to build his own life. He might not succeed right away, but it will be an invaluable experience for him. Otherwise, parents risk supporting their son until old age, thus ruining his life. Give your sons the opportunity to develop. Let them make mistakes.
